Negative self talk – Just stop.
Through my life negative self talk had played a massive role in how I saw myself and subsequently how I believed others saw me too…..I mean if I thought I wasn’t really worthy of nice or kind words from myself then why would others offer them, or think them.
I decided in 2017 to work on this area of myself and really look at who I was and what kind of human being I was too, I wanted to work on who I was and to become a better person.
I realised I had been stuck in a rut of waking up with the “today already sucks, whats going to go wrong, who will cancel coffee on me, my cars a heap of crap and needs a service, my house is to small to get any peace and my kids are driving me nuts”.
There… I said it…. my kids drove me nuts, a-lot of the time and having a 3 year old who craved all of my time I was so exhausted.
Today was going to be different, I was waking up with purpose and decided I was going to be positive, my mind was going to say “lets do this” and “lets smash this day”. Instead of the complaining I was going to be positive about all of the things I HAD that others didn’t or had lost. I had 3 amazing children who I adored and they adored me, I had a husband who provided for us in such an amazing way and supported me in any business related goals I had. We had a roof over our heads, my kids were (relatively) clean and tidy ha ! I had a superb support network and also had people I could talk to about anything that was worrying me. Our car was way better than walking or having a push bike and got us from A to B and was actually the most expensive thing I had ever owned – it wasn’t these things that were a disappointment it was me. I could feel my pride and positivity growing ! Every day since I wake up and have affirmations of things Im proud of and offer a little prayer to family and friends having a rough time with life
Its true that you are what you think you are, tell yourself you are great and you will be great, tell yourself you are weak and you will be…. change your words to yourself you have to live everyday with what you believe so start believing more positive things.
Self compassion – what is it really?
Be kind to yourself, no not constant praise, its more putting yourself into a similar position where you may be talking to a friend and need to praise them, make them feel appreciated, boost their confidence and lift them up if they feel like a failure…. talk to yourself how you would talk to a friend who was confiding in you. We would empathise wouldn’t we, so why do we find it so hard to be kind to ourselves.
Being mindful- listen to your thoughts, to the negative self talk, don’t run from it or try to bury it, ask yourself ‘why’ you feel this way. Accept it and absorb it. Acceptance is the first step to acknowledging none of us are perfect but also allows us to move on. Its not wrong to find fault in ourselves but there is no good to come from metaphorically beating yourself around the head with it either. Stop treating yourself like shit, learn to refocus your energies to positive ones but always always always remember to adore yourself in your amazingly imperfect form.
Back to basic humanity – its not all about you…. everyone has their own wheelbarrow of crap to either carry or dispose of, one positive post or image on facebook doesn’t mean that person is achieving so much more than you in life or that they think they have everything it just shows someone allowing you into their world for JUST one minute of a day when there are over 1400 other minutes in a 24 hour period for them to contend with just like you, only difference is they are seeing the world through their own eyes and possibly just trying to cheer others up, not shoving their ‘perfect life’ down your throat.
In a day we have an internal dialogue ( talk to our crazy ass selves) of around 4000 words a minute, and did you know on average 70% of this is negative self talk. Imagine that, imagine the damage that we are doing to ourselves, yes we have all made mistakes, some big, some whoppers but did we kill anyone, did we hurt anyone with purpose and intent, did we stop someones life and turn it upside down and laugh while it happened? No we didn’t, we are all just trying to get by in this world and look after ourselves, our loved ones and our minds. If you need to apologise then apologise, if not then move on and keep trying to create a better place for your mind to live in….. its yours and it deserves love and peace so take a deep breath, watch your chest rise and fall and be thankful for what you have and more than anything who you are…. perfectly imperfect.